PINKY IN HELSINKI!!!!!

Oh hey!!!

This is Pinky! (Inkpay if you're a latin pig)

So I'm in Finland now, which is great, but the airline folks didn't get my bag here, which is not so great. Especially since there's a 12-pack of peebers in there for Kesi and we leave for Istanbul tomorrow. Right now I'm just kinda pretending it isn't happening. The FinnAir dude gave me a little travel kit with all sorts of toiletries and stuff in it. It really is comprehensive. I even have eye-makeup remover now! Plus they put a giant t-shirt in there and some socks that look like they were designed and manufactured by Ceausescu back in the glory days of Romania. Tell you what though, that was pretty nice of those FinnAir guys. But still- fuck 'em. Don't worry too much though. I had the tune-player in my carry on, along with tons of those orange peanut butter crackers and all my toiletries and everything. I've got my sleeping bag too. All I'm really missing is clothes, but I'm excited to buy Finnish underwear. I'm hoping I can get some with that goofy-looking obese cartoon hippo on them. At the last minute I decided not to pack my telescoping fishing pole, but I did make sure to bring my harmonica and some Hannah Montana playing cards. Fret not dear citizen.

Wanna know what Helsinki is like? Old folks and pure-bred dogs. That's pretty much it.

Like just about all of the other European countries, Finland doesn't have a replacement birth rate and faces severe demographic challenges, so the geezer/whippersnapper ratio is way out of whack. It really is appalling how many olds are cruising the sidewalks, plus soooo many of them are using walking aids, be they crutches, canes, walkers, etc. With all the ice around here, I bet they wiped out and busted some important joints. It took me a little while to notice the skewed ratio but now I can't help but see it. It's like the time I accidentally went to that Korean house party. At first I didn't notice anything, but after a few minutes I realized that I didn't know anyone and that everyone was Asian and that I must be in the wrong house. Anyway, every third person here is well over 60. For real. So there's that.

And the dogs! Kesi said there are no strays here, so there aren't a lot of mutts. All the dogs are pure-bred. It's kinda weird. Stepford dogs... I haven't seen any of them wearing sweaters yet though. I guess they keep the Chihuahuas inside.

I like how everyone half-slips on the ice but keep walking like it's no biggie. They do a little half-skip and keep on going. I'd emulate Bambi. I haven't seen a single snowman or anyone throwing snowballs yet. I guess 'cause everyone's old and they don't do that kind of thing anymore.

I'm totally gonna stream Finnish radio at work from now on. The DJ's have gotta be bipolar. I just heard a station go from Marvin Gaye to Whitesnake to eurotrash house to some traditional almost polka-sounding music. They play a bunch of dance-beat remixes of classic songs to. Right now they're playing a remix of Paul Simon's "Call me Al." You know that one with Chevy Chase being a chump in the video? I love it.
 

This is gonna be a fun trip. Y'all should be here.

I have to go now. There's a lady pulling a little kid down the sidewalk on a plastic sled and I need to witness it.

This is Professor Pinky, doctor of Anthropology, signing off.